Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Patience is Not My Forte

I'm not sure if my personality is just strange to me when I try to examine it or if it's truly unusual. Maybe there are other people out there who are quite similar to me but I've not really discovered one yet.

I'm a mix of very type-A and driven with a good dash of really lazy thrown in. If I decide to tackle something, I'm very gung ho and want to fix/resolve/decide immediately but if I don't want to do something or decide it's not worth my full efforts, I can be an ostrich with my head firmly underground. This often means that I will put off little things until they become big things and I get fed up enough to make them a focus. I can't say it's particulary healthy or the best way to deal with things but it's a part of my personality.

Being driven is a key part of my success at work but the ostrich part of me is why I got so fat. Now I'm driven to FIX the fat and get fit again. Be a runner again. The hinderance is that little thing called "patience" - not something I have in much of any quantity and certainly something I'm going to need on this journey.

Today I got to the gym and got on the treadmill. I started out at (for me) a brisk walk of 3.0 mph (20 min/mile) but after about ten to fifteen minutes, my shins started to complain. I dialed the treadmill back to 2.8 (22 min/mile) and walked but kept catching myself reaching for the button to speed up the treadmill. I really had to force myself to not go faster. The shin splints need time to heal and complaining does not equal healing.

I'm going to try to make myself complete this week only walking and reassess how my shins are doing on Sunday. Right now they have some lumps and are tender to the touch.

This is suprisingly hard for me. I'm used to "work really hard, solve the problem quickly and move on" but I can't do that with my weight or my fitness. Add in the fact that although I've been eating to plan since I started, this month has been a series of up and down the same two lbs. I'm really hoping it's just because my body is adjusting but we'll see - again, the patience cames in. I can't tell any changes in clothing fit, either, so that adds to my angst.

But I want gratification NOW, dammit!

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